No Looking Back
by conversegurl94
Summary: Spencer has to decide what she wants to do with her life. Does she know?
1. Chapter 1

No Looking Back

A/N-I own nothing. All of this belongs to The N or whoever created it

Summary: My life sucks. You have no idea. I have more problems than most 17 year olds should.

"Spencer get down here!" I hear my dad yell.

I groan. I hate when he gets mad. I wonder what I did this time. Probably something stupid like get and F on a test. I mean I'm smart it's just...sometimes I slip up ya know? But I don't think my dad will see it that way.

"Coming!" I shout back. I know this isn't going to be fun. I've just got to think about something good, something happy. Only one thing pops to mind. Ashley.

I walk into the kitchen to find my dad glaring at me. "Spencer your school just called." He says.

I see him slowly taking off his rings, eyeing me. No. I need to go now.

"They said you got a detention for acting out in class." He continues. Oh yeah. I forgot.

"What the hell were you thinking!? Acting out in class! You know better than that! We raised you better than that!" Uh oh. Here it comes. Think Ashley. Think Ashley.

So you're probably wondering what the hell is going on. Well here's the story. I have two brothers. One named Glen and the other Clay. Glen's and ass but I know he'll always be there to watch my back. He's a huge basketball star at our school. Clay is so cool. He's smart and fun to be around. He's black. He's my adopted brother. Glen and he are really different but they love each other. And me...I'm Spencer Carlin, 17 years old, blonde, blue eyes and pretty smart. My mom is Paula. She's and emergency room nurse at the local hospital in LA, where we live by the way. My dad is a psychiatrist but you wouldn't think that with the way he treats me.

Yea...he hits me. Only me. Not my brothers or even my mom, just me. But the weird part is no one in my family knows about it. You would think they would because they would notice marks on my face or arms but I just blame it on cheerleading. I'm a cheerleader yea I know gross, but I do it just so I have something to do. But you figure I could get hurt cheerleading you know with all the girls swing their arms and throwing them up in the air, I'm bound to get hit in the face. So I blame it on that. The rest of the marks are on places you can't see with clothes on so you never notice it.

So I go to King High. I'm pretty popular I guess. I have a lot of friends but only a few I totally and completely trust. Those people are Kyla, Aiden, Chelsea, and Ashley. Kyla is Ashley's half sister. Chelsea I my brother Clay's girlfriend and Aiden is Kyla's boyfriend. Ashley is……gay. So you probably want the story on her.

Her dad died about 4 months ago and then she found out she had a half sister, Kyla. At first they hated each other but now they get along great. Just like sisters. And yea Ashley is gay. I found out the day I met her when people ridiculed me for hanging with her. I didn't care because the truth is I'm gay too. Only those select people I mentioned earlier know. You would think Ashley and I are together because we are both gay right? Wrong. We flirt but she sleeps around with a lot of other girls and I just don't want to be another one. So we're just friends.

Now back to the present.

"I'm sorry Dad! I'll do better I promise!" I said. He was walking closer and closer with each passing second.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!

"Oh really? Well this will teach you to never act out in class again." He says bringing back his arm. He makes a fist and swings all the way through.

I can feel it but I'm trying to block it out. I'm against the wall and he's punching me everywhere. My face, chest, and stomach. It hurts so badly but I just think of Ashley. She makes me happy.

After a few minutes her walks out of the house cursing under his breath. I hear his car drive out of the driveway and then I know I'm alone.

I go upstairs to my room to see the damage. I take off my shirt and look in the mirror. I can see parts of my chest starting to turn black and blue. Same with my stomach. On my face I have a black eye and a cut on my cheek. How am I going to explain this to my friends? I want so badly to tell someone. I just want someone to hold me and tell me its okay. Someone like Ashley.

I think its time to tell someone about this.

I get in my car and drive over to Ashley's. She might not even be home considering I didn't call or anything. When I get there I see her car so she must be home. I get out and walk up the sidewalk to her door. I ring the doorbell and wait and sure enough she answers's it with a smile.

Her smile fades though as soon as she sees my state. I didn't even bother to clean up so there's blood on my face still.

"Spence what happened to you?" She asks in a worried voice

"Can I, uh, come in?" I ask timidly

"What? Oh yea come in baby girl."

She leads me up to her room and sits me down on the bed.

"Spencer…..who did this to you?"

I clear my throat and get ready to finally tell someone about this. "My dad got mad and……" I trail off…….I can't even say it.

"Spence he didn't……" I think she knows. I just nod as an answer. "WHAT!" she yells standing up. I quickly stand up with her, instantly regretting it because it hurt. I wince and sit back down. Ashley immediately forgets her anger to help me. "What? What's wrong does it hurt?" she asks.

"Yea all over." I say motioning to my body.

"I'm so sorry baby. I can't believe he would even do this to you. How long has this been going on?"

"About a month after we moved here……."

"Oh my gosh Spence why didn't you say anything?"

I sigh "I don't know. I should have and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner but I just…….didn't know how to tell you….or anyone"

She sits down and hugs me. I wince and she instantly pulls back. "Let's get you cleaned up." She takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. She gets a first aid kit and sits me on the counter.

"Okay Spence let's see" she says looking intently at the cut on my face. She starts treating the cut and puts a bandage on it when she's done.

"Now you said it hurts all over? Where exactly?"

I take off my shirt much to her surprise and she looks like she's about to cry when she sees the bruises. I just look at the ground.

"Oh Spence" she says so softly. She lets a tear fall. I wipe it away with my finger.

"Ash don't cry. Please don't cry." I whisper to her

"Sorry Spencer I just……how could someone hit their child? Especially you…."

"Ha especially me? Ash I had it coming. I always did."

"How can you say that!?" She says raising her voice a little then instantly softening. "Spencer you don't deserve this and don't say you do. Spence no one deserves this……especially you. Don't sell yourself short."

I don't know why I did it but I just felt so good at that moment and it was all because of her. I leaned in and captured her lips with mine.

Author's note-hey guys R&R more will be up soon


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I couldn't believe it. How could someone ever hurt someone like Spencer? She's amazing and beautiful. She never does anything wrong to her dad, yet he treats her this way. What a dick.

"How can you say that!?" I raised my voice a little. I can't believe she thinks this is her fault. "Spencer you don't deserve this and don't say you do. Spence no one deserves this……….especially you. Don't sell yourself short."

I don't know what happened, but the next thing I know I feel her lips on mine. I've waited for this a really long time.

She pulled back slowly and just looked into my eyes. I never realized how blue they were. They were like a beautiful ocean. So gorgeous that I could get lost in them. I should probably say something.

"That was…….uh, awesome" Awesome? Awesome!? Oh my gosh she's going to think I'm and idiot!

She smiled and me and then tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. I reached out and touched her cheek and stroked it with my thumb. She leaned into the touch.

"Thanks for being here for me Ash. It really means a lot." My heart sank. That's why she kissed me? So I guess she doesn't like me………….Fuck.

She must have noticed the look on my face because she's giving me a questioning look.

"What's wrong?"

I had to make up something quick. If she doesn't like me I don't want to freak her out by telling her I like her.

"Nothing I just…………..do you want to lay down or something? You must be tired."

"Yeah sure."

I led her over to my bed and she lied down and covered herself. I kissed her forehead and started to walk away, when I felt her grab my wrist.

"Wait Ash. Can you stay with me?" I was a little confused by the question but just figured she was still a little scared about the incident with her dad.

"Sure Spencer." I got into bed with her and kept about a foot away.

"Ash I know this may sound stupid, but I'm really scared right now so do you think you could cuddle with me?" She turned red after asking this. It was really cute.

"Yeah of course." I said softly. I put my arm around her but was sort of holding it in the air. She noticed because she looked at me weird.

"Something wrong?"

"I just am afraid if I hold you I'll hurt you."

"Ash don't worry about that. I just want to be close to you."

I smiled and pulled her as close as possible. She rested her head on my chest and I just held her there. About 10 minutes later she fell asleep. I just watched her. She's so beautiful when she sleeps. I stroked her cheek and kissed it. I wish I could tell her how I feel but I know she would never return the feelings. One, because I sleep around too much, but I would give that up for her. Two, because I am so bad for her. I mean I'm not pretty, or smart so what could she possibly see in me? And three, if she ever found out about my "problem" she would think I was nuts.

I'm………"depressed" as my doctor puts it. And I um, I cut my self. Yeah I said it. But I can never let Spencer know. She'll look at me different. And I don't want that. About an hour later she stirred in her sleep. She opened her eyes and looked into mine.

"Thanks Ash…….for everything."

"Anytime. I'll always be there for you Spence. You're my best friend. It's my job."

She smiled at me. "Well I should go but do you want to hang out tonight?"

"Yeah sure. How about 8?"

"Sounds good. See you later."

Spencer's POV

So I'm getting ready to go to Ashley's and I'm really excited. And really tired. She helped me so much, but one thing we never talked about was the kiss. I hope we can talk about that tonight. I mean I really like her and I jut hope she feels the same way.

10 minutes later and I'm at Ashley's house. I ring the doorbell and she answers with a smile.

"Hey Spence."

"Hey."

"So I figured movie and popcorn and make out session." She said as we walked into the house. I didn't hear the last part though because she mumbled it.

"Sorry, movie, popcorn and what?"

"Uhh The Hills?"

"Score!" I love that show. Don't ask why.

"Haha okay Spence The Hills it is."

_Tonight Tonight its on tonight. I don't want your boring life. And I don't want you-_

Ashley answered her cell.

"Hey Spence I got to take this so its going to be about 10 minutes so you can go up to my room and just hang out until then okay?"

"Yeah sure." I went upstairs and into her room. So now what? I guess I'll just look around. I noticed something on her bedside table and picked it up. It looks like a journal. I can't open this its personal. But maybe she wouldn't mind. So I opened it and flipped through the pages. There were song lyrics on there. They were amazing. Did she write these? I continued flipping and then I found a journal entry.

_4/12_

_So I really like Spencer, but there's no way she would ever like me. I mean she's gorgeous. Inside and out. She's so nice and smart and her body is…..whoa. But then there's me: nowhere near any of that. I'm worthless. I'm not pretty or smart. I'm failing all my classes and my mom is disgusted with me. But I think the worst part is that I cut myself. I've never told anyone except that stupid therapist. I really don't like him. But then there's Spencer again. I like her so much but I know she will never feel the same way._

I could not believe it. She likes me? She thinks she's worthless? She cuts herself? What is going on? I have to talk to her about this.

"Hey Spence so what do you wan- what's wrong?"

I held up the journal on the page I was reading.

"You read my journal!?"

"Yeah I did Ashley and I'm sorry I did but I can not believe some of the things you wrote in here!"

"What are you talking about Spence? Everything in there is true!"

"Not it's not! You are not worthless Ashley. You amazing."

"Spencer how can you be so blind? I am nothing close to that. I never have been and never will be……"

"Come here Ashley." I lied down on the and she walked over to me and lied next to me. I turned to her and continued talking. "Ash you are beautiful. You are smart in fact you brilliant. You are so pretty. Your eyes are so beautiful that I get lost in them all the time. Your hair perfectly frames your face. Your mouth, nose and face is……perfect. Like you told me…..don't sell yourself short. You're amazing."

I kissed her cheek and then caressed it. She turned to look at me.

"Do you really think that?"

"No." She looked sad. "I know it." She smiled at me and I kissed her nose. She was so adorable. "But there's something else we need to talk about."

A/N- So guys what did you think?


	3. Chapter 3

This was all too much. How could she do this to herself? I mean I know she doesn't think highly of herself but is there something else?

"Uh, what do we need to talk about?" The nervousness was evident in her voice.

"You know what Ashley. About you cutting." She looked down at her hands. "Take your jacket off." She looked up at me confused but did it anyways. That's when I saw them. She cuts everywhere. Some looked recent, while others were faded scars. I took her left arm and ran my fingers over the cuts. She winced and I looked at her. She looked so sad and in pain.

"Spence…..what wrong with me?" How could I answer that?

"Ash…..what are you so upset about that makes you do this?"

"I….I don't know. I just haven't been happy in a long time. And what scares me is………I don't know why."

"In your diary you said…….your mom is disgusted with you. Does she treat you badly?" She snorted. Well I got my answer.

"Yeah, you have no idea. She runs off with her boyfriends and comes home drunk every night. Every morning when I wake up I find her passed out on the floor with a bottle of Vodka in her hand. But that's just the times she's there. She's gone a lot. To Cabo, to the Bahamas, to……….anywhere. Just anywhere but here……………"

"Does that make you mad?" Jeez I sound like a frickin psychiatrist. Hate them. I hate that they always think they know what your thinking based on research or a statistic. Every person is different and you can't tell someone how they feel.

"Yeah…..it does. It makes me mad because everyone else seems to have a mom that loves them and takes care of them. How come I don't?"

"I donno Ash. I donno."

I held her for awhile until we got up to watch movies.

"Okay so I was thinking Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"

"Uh how about no. You know I hate scary movies Ash."

"Come on Spence please! I'll make it worth your while." She wiggled her eyebrows. I snorted. That was funny.

"Fine but what happens if I freak out and have another "incident" like last time?"

"Don't worry we have some rubber sheets." She said smirking.

A/N- hey guys sorry that it's so short but I will most more tomorrow or the next day


	4. Chapter 4

"Ashleyyyyyyy. I don't wanna!"

"Spencer stop acting like a five year old and come on."

Ashley and I are at an amusement park. I hate them. All the rides that make you throw up, I mean what's so fun about seeing what you already ate? Ew.

"Ash you know I hate roller coasters!"

"Why? What's so bad about them?"

"I'm worried I'll like fall off or something."

"Don't worry" she said taking my hand and pulling me to her. "I'll protect you." And I'm sold.

So we get on and it starts. 3 words. Oh my gosh.

"Ready Spence?!" She was screaming over the noise.

"Uh huh" I say nervously.

"Here we go!" And there's a hill. Crap.

"AHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHH!"

"Spence calm down! What's your problem?" What? I'm scared alright. I mean I know we've been off of the ride for about 5 minutes know but the thrill of it is still there.

"AHHH!"

"Spence it's over! The ride is over!"

"Sorry, sorry." I say winded. Screaming for 5 minutes straight really takes a lot out of you.

"Umm do you want to get a drink or something? To calm you down?"

"Yea sure"

"Okay I'll be right back"

So I'm sitting here waiting for Ashley looking at some poor guy get thrown up on by his girlfriend. It's actually kind of funny. That's when I see Madison and her crew. I'm screwed.

"Hey dyke." She sneered.

"Back off Madison" I say standing up. "I'm not even bothering you so Fuck off!"

"Whoo girls got a temper! Where's your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend alright!"

"Tell that to her" She says pointing behind me. I turn around to see a sad looking Ashley. I turn back and look at Madison.

"Can you just go away?"

"Why? You and your girl going to have a fight?"

"You heard her, she's not my girlfriend." Ashley chimes in.

"Fine. Come on girls, let's leave the dykes alone." That's it.

"Bitch!" I said slapping Madison hard.

"Oh no she didn't!" I hear Sherry say.

"Dyke!" Madison says slapping me back.

"Alright Alright!" Ashley says grabbing me by the waist while Sherry grabs Madison.

"Come on Madison lets go" sherry says

"This isn't finished Spencer!" Madison yells

"Spence lets go" I hear Ashley whisper in my ear.

As we walk to the car I reach out and grab Ashley's hand. She pulls hers back and I don't know why. Oh wait yes I do. I said she wasn't my girlfriend. But that's true she's not so why is she so mad?

"Hows your cheek?" she asks still looking at the road.

"It's fine. Just stings a little."

"Well I'll look at it when we get back to my house."

There was an awkward silence. Finally I broke it.

"Ash how come in the parking lot when I took your hand you pulled away?" She didn't say anything for awhile so I figured she wasn't going to answer me. I looked out the window.

"Because you said I'm not your girlfriend."

I turned to look at her. "But I'm not so why are you mad?"

"I'm not mad. Hurt is more like it"

"Well why Ash? I'm not your girlfriend so why are you hurt?"

"Because...…you know I don't even know why! It just hurt to hear you say that. It was like the thought of being with me disgusted you."

"What! Ash no. It's not like that."

"Then what is it like Spencer! Are you gay, bi, straight? What?"

"I……I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

"Pretty sure or absolutely sure?"

"Absolutely sure"

"Okay"

And that was all she said. When we got to her house we went up to her room. Neither one of us has spoken a word.

"Ash?" She didn't look at me, just went and sat on the bed. "Ash." I said again and this time she looked up. "What is it?" I asked when she didn't respond.

"Do you ever think about being with me? At all?"

I sighed. Do I? Yes. Should I tell her? "Yea, I do actually. A lot." She nodded and then looked at the bedspread. I went over to her and kneeled down in front of her. She gave me a confused look. She looked down at her hands. I brought my finger up to lift her chin up. I looked from her eyes to her lips and then back down. I have been waiting for this a long time. I paused just waiting for someone to barge in here and ruin the moment. But no one came. So I brought her lips to mine for a long and slow kiss. I pulled back and looked at her. She smiled and kissed me again.


	5. Chapter 5

So now what? I like the girl, I kiss the girl……and I'm stuck. What am I supposed to do? Go on a few dates or ask her to be my girlfriend right now? Hmm maybe I'll ask my sister.

"KYLA!!!!!" I hear her stomping to her door to open it.

"Ughh what do you want Ashley?!"

"Oh don't sound so annoyed, you know you love me."

"Yes and honestly, I don't know why." I smiled at her

"So what's up?"

"Ummm it's about Spencer."

"Oh this could be interesting" she says sitting down.

"It's just……I really like her and we kissed but what do I do next?"

"Have you two gone out?"

"Like on a date? Well….no. I mean we went to an amusement park but I don't know if you'd call that a date."

"Ok well first I think you need to take her out. Go to a movie. Something scary so you can get your cuddle on." Oh my gosh. Did she just say 'get your cuddle on'?

"Okay did you just say get your cuddle on?" I say laughing.

"Yes yes I know I'm nerdy but I'm your sister. It's my job."

"Okay well thanks Kyla….I think I'll go call her right now."

"Go get her tiger." I shake my head and close the door. "Nerd." "I heard that!" I hear her say. I walk to my room with a laugh.

I pick up my phone and dial her number. Speed dial. Oh yea I'm awesome.

"Hello?"

"Hey Spence"

"Hey Ash what's up?"

"I was wondering if you want to go to a movie tonight?"

"Wait….like a date."

"Uh…..yea like a date."

"Sounds good. What movie?"

"I was thinking 'The Eye'?"

"Ash you know I hate scary movies!"

"I know, but trust me it will be sooo cool!"

"Ok fine but afterward we have to do something I want to do."

"Deal but what do you want to do?"

"You'll see." And with that she hung up. Damn I wonder what she's doing.

So I'm about to pick up Spencer when my cell goes off. I look at the caller ID and its Jordan. Jordan is a girl I've been seeing lately. I know what you're thinking but it's not like Spencer and I aren't even official. I answer the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ash what's going on?"

"Umm just about to go out with a friend."

"Is this friend a 'friend friend'?"

"Sort of."

"Ash when are we going to make this official?" If I had been drinking something, I would have spit it out by now.

"Jordan! Wrong time for this really! I just told you I was going out with someone!"

"Is it official?"

"Well no."

"Then why can't you just pick someone Ashley!"

"Look I can't talk about this right now so I'll talk to you later. Bye" I hung up and grabbed my keys to go get Spencer.

I arrived at Spencer's house about ten minutes later. I walked up to her front door and knocked. A blonde came to the door. But not my blonde. Oh no definitely not mine. She looked like Spencer. A lot actually, but Spencer was so cute and she just had the features…..not the cuteness. It took me a few seconds to realize that this was Spencer's mother. The one she hates…..well the only one. I'm just glad it wasn't her dad.

"Uhh hi Mrs. C. Is Spencer here?"

"Yea she's upstairs. Come on in…..Ashley right?"

"Yeah it's nice to meet you."

"Same." I don't know why Spencer hates her so much. Maybe it's because she's never home. Well she's home now.

"Hey Ash." Spencer says coming downstairs. Wow she looks beautiful. She's wearing tight black jeans with a white belt and a form-fitting black shirt. Hot!

"Hey ready to go?"

"Yea."

As we drove to the movies I took her hand in mine and smiled at her. We sat in comfortable silence all the way there. When we got in Spencer took care of snacks and I took care of drinks. As we walked into the movie we spotted none other than Madison.

"Here Spencer take the stuff and I'll meet you in there."

"Okay" she says giving me an uneasy look. I watch her walk in and then turn to see Madison coming towards me. Now this is going to be fun.

"Hey Dyke."

"Madison for once could you just back off? I never fucking did anything to you so why do you always give me crap?!"

"Hmmm….." she said tapping her chin like she was thinking. But we all no that isn't possible. "Maybe because…..its fun!"

"Whatever." I say about to turn around.

"Wait! So I hear Spencer isn't really your main lady huh?" I froze. How did she know?

"Who told you that?"

"None other than Jordan herself." I hope Spencer doesn't find out." She said with a smirk

"You wouldn't…."

"Oh I would."

"Fucking bitch!" I screamed. I was beyond pissed. I guess she was too, because I felt a very sharp sting on my face. I watched her walk away and thought about chasing after her. Not worth it. I'll get her later. I went to the bathroom to check out the damage. And sure enough I had a bid red handprint on my face. But no, it doesn't stop there. Because Cheerbitch has to have long nails she cut my face so now a have a small cut running diagonally on my face. How am I gonna explain this to Spencer?

A/N- Hey guys tell me what you think


	6. Chapter 6

I walk back into the theater and sit down next to Spencer. At least she won't notice because its dark. As the movie starts I take her hand in mine and send a smile her way. She smiles back and squeezes it. So basically during the rest of the movie we just hold hands and enjoy what we have. Each other.

The movie sucked. Like seriously wow that was horrible. Utterly dreadful. Okay enough sounding like Simon Cowell. We get up and walk out of the theater and I know she's going to notice any second. So what do I tell her? The truth? Oh hey Spencer guess what? Madison slapped me because I'm a dyke. Yea, no, not happening. We keep walking and she looks over at me and stops dead in her tracks. I know the question is coming.

"Hey Ash can I have a hamburger?" okkaaaayyy not exactly the question I was thinking of but okay.

"Sure Spence." She jumps up and down like a 5 year old. She is so adorable. I take her hand and we keep walking. She looks over at me again and stops dead in her tracks. Again.

"Ash what happened to your face?"

"Is that your way of calling me ugly?" I laugh.

"No I mean you have a cut. What happened?"

"Uhh…um."

"Wait…..was it Madison." My silence gives her an answer.

"What the fuck! I'm going to kill that bitch! No one touches my baby girl!" Wait did she just call me……..

"Spence. Hey calm down alright. We'll worry about her later." I say trying to calm her.

"Ash…..she hit you, how can I calm down?" she says running the back of her hand over my injured cheek. She kisses it softly and touches it again.

"Spence?"

"…………."

"Spence?"

"Hmm, what yeah?" I laugh at her zoning out.

"You called me your baby girl."

"Oh, uh, what I meant was-" I cut her off with a kiss. I would love to be her girl.

"What you meant was?"

"Ha, I don't even know. I just……I really like you and I know we've been on only one date but I was wondering…….do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I tapped my chin like I was thinking it over. Of course I was going to say yes. But she doesn't need to know that.

"Hmmm, I'll have to think about it."

"Oh" she says looking down. I pick her chin up with my hand and look into her eyes.

"I'd like that." She gave me one of the biggest smiles ever and I kissed her.

"Now let's go get you that hamburger"

About ten minutes later we got to Burger King. Which is an awesome place by the way.

"So what do you want Spence?"

"Get me a kids meal, I gotta pee."

"Thanks for sharing."

"Anytime." She says skipping off to the bathroom.

I get the food and sit down at a table. I take one of the BK crowns and put it on my head. I must look like a real dork. Oh well. I start eating my chicken fries when a girl walks into the place. I turn my head quickly realizing who it is.

"Shit" I say under my breathe

"What's shit?" Spencer says sitting down.

"Uh nothing. Hey you want to go now because this place is kind of dorky."

"This coming from the girl wearing the BK crown." She smirks

I laugh nervously taking it off. "Hey Ash." Shit. It's Jordan. Spencer gives me a weird look. I look over to Jordan with a glare.

"Hi Jordan." Unfortunately because the world hates me so much, she slides in next to me and takes my hand. Spencer notices this and gives me a questioning look. I pull my hand away.

"We were just leaving."

"No stay awhile" Jordan says pushing me down. "So you must be the 'other girl'" she says using air quotes.

"Other girl?" Spencer questions. This is going to suck.

"Yeah you know the one Ashley was telling me about on Saturday…..when she spent the night." She says giving Spencer a smirk.

Spencer gets up to leave. "Spencer wait!" I chase her out to the parking lot wand see her walking in front of me.

"Spencer will you at least talk to me?!"

"Go away!"

"Spencer I'm sorry!"

I grab her arm and make her face me. She looks really angry. "What Ashley? What could you possibly have to say to me?"

I look down at the ground. What am I going to say?

"Spencer I'm so sorry."

"That's all? Ashley you slept with her!"

"I know! But it was before we were together and we never talked about not seeing other people."

"I thought you'd changed Ashley. Apparently not." And she walks away. I just let her walk away. Wait she doesn't have a ride. I get in my car and start to drive. I didn't have to go far though considering she was only 100 yards away.

"Spencer will you get in the car?" She ignored me. "Spencer come on it's a really long walk!" She stopped and looked at me. Then she walked over and got in.

It was silent the whole way home. Finally we got to her house and I turned off the car and just sat there. We sat there for 5 minutes and she finally spoke up.

"Ash I just want you to know that…….this doesn't change the way I feel about you. I still want to be with you"

I let out a breathe I didn't realize I was holding. I was so relieved.

"I am so glad to hear that Spence, you have no idea."

She took my hand and rubbed circles on it with her thumb.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I nodded. She kissed my cheek and got out. I watched her until she got inside the house and then drove off.

I got to my house and went inside and found something horrible.

"Mom?"


	7. Chapter 7

"Mom?" Oh my gosh. This is not happening. "Shit." I run over to her. She's on the ground with blood coming from her side. What the hell happened? I take my cell out of my pocket and call 911.

"911 operator. What's your emergency?"

"My mom she uh she's on the ground. There's blood. I don't know what happened. I just got home."

"Okay can you tell me your address?"

"Yeah it's 4582 Juniper Street"

"Okay. We'll send an ambulance right away." I hung up. I am literally freaking out. I'm running around the room not sure what to do. This is like a bad dream.

About 15 minutes later the ambulance came. I had already bandaged her side but it was bleeding a lot. I think she was stabbed.

"Are you coming Miss?" The EMT asked me. I stepped into the ambulance and rode on to the hospital. I had called Kyla on the way and she was already there.

"Ashley!" she says running over to me. "What happened?" she says with tears in her eyes.

"I-I don't know. I got home and she was bleeding on the floor. Ky………I think she was stabbed." She stared at me and I thought she was going to lash out. But she hugged me tight. I held her there for 10 minutes and then we went to sit down. We waited for an hour and she was still in surgery. I was getting tired so I decided to call Spencer.

"Hello?"

"Spence? Can you come get me?"

"Sure where are you?"

"The hospital" I say quietly. There was a pause.

"I'm on my way." I hear a click.

"Ky why don't you go home."

"Ash I can't"

"She'll be fine……I promise." I shouldn't have said that.

"Okay well are you coming?"

"No I think I'm spending the night at Spencer's. Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No it's okay. I'll see you tomorrow." She turned to walk away.

"Wait Ky?"

"Yeah?"

"It'll be okay. And I just want you to know that……I love you."

"I love you too Ash" she said hugging me.

"Be safe." I said and walked outside to wait for Spencer. About ten minutes later she arrived and I got in the car.

We sat in silence the whole way back to her house. We got inside and I noticed no one was there. Then we went up to her room. She changed into pajamas and gave me a white wife beater and sweats to change into. I sat against her headboard while she sat in front of me. We said nothing to each other.

"What happened?" she asked quietly. I sighed.

"I got home and found her on the floor and she was bleeding. I called 911 and then bandaged a cut on her side. The cut was pretty big, Spence. I think she got stabbed. But how? I mean we have an alarm system………" I freeze. Oh no.

"Ash? You okay?" I slowly turn to her. My eyes are huge.

"I forgot to set the alarm. Mom stayed home today and she told me to turn the alarm on on the way out. Spencer…….I didn't do it. I never turned the alarm on." We sat in silence.

"Ash don't worry about it okay? She'll be fine."

"Y-yea. Yea she'll be fine."

"Let's get some sleep." I nodded. I layed facing her and snuggled into her chest and she wrapped her arms around me. Laying there I couldn't help but think that…………..this is all my fault.

I woke up at around 12 the next morning. Wait. It's Monday! Shit!

"Spence wake up! We're late for school!" She sits up groggily.

"Ughh Ash we have today off remember?" Oh yea. Teacher workday. Ha they deserve more work.

"Oh yea sorry" I say shyly.

"You're cute you know that?"

"Really? I am?" I say with a smirk.

"Yeah you are." She says looking into my eyes. She pulls me to her and kisses my eyebrow softly. Then my cheek and forehead. She runs her fingers through my hair while I sit in her arms. She turns on the TV and I sit between her legs with my head on her chest.

"Hey Spence? I just wanted to say thanks for being here for me. It means a lot."

"I'll always be there for you." I smile contently as she begins to rub my stomach. About 5 minutes later my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Ash? The hospital called. We need to get there now."

"Okay be right there." I hang up and turn to Spencer.

"That was Kyla and she says we need to get to the hospital. Can you give me a ride?"

"Sure lets go"

When we got to the hospital I ran inside to find Kyla talking to a doctor.

"There she is" Kyla says "Come on Ash" she says grabbing my hand. "Okay so how's our mom?" She says turning to the doctor.

He sighs. No. No,no,no,no,no. "We…..we tried really hard but we couldn't help her. The laceration was very deep and she had a lot of internal bleeding and we just couldn't fix the damages. I'm so sorry girls." He walks away. Spencer is standing next to me and turns to look at me. Kyla is hugging me and crying. I'm just standing there frozen.

"Ash?"

"Yeah Ky?"

"I'm going to go home. Can you come with me?"

"Sure Ky." I turn to Spencer. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah sure baby. I known this is a stupid question but…..are you okay?"

"Yeah……just fine." I lie. I'm nowhere near ok.

Kyla and I get home and we go up to her room. I hold her while she cries and eventually she falls asleep. I just lay there with her sleeping on my chest and stare at the ceiling fan. I look at the clock and it says 4 AM. Well I think it's safe to say I don't have to go to school today. Good thing Spring break starts tomorrow. On a Wednesday….which is stupid. I slip out of the bed and go downstairs.

I walk into the dining room and find the liquor cabinet. I open it and pull out some vodka. I know I'm going to regret this. I drink about half of it before throwing it against the wall. I am so angry…..and I don't know why. Yes I do. My mom is dead because I was too stupid to set the alarm. Even though she treated me badly I still did love her deep down.

I don't know why but suddenly I lost it. I threw all the vases against the wall and threw all the china on the ground. I punched the wall with everything I was feeling at that moment. I stood there and breathed heavily my hand throbbing, but I didn't care. Kyla ran downstairs hearing the noise.

"Ash what the hell happened?" I just stared at her. I couldn't speak I was so angry.

"I'm going to call Spencer." She says. She walks away. I lean back against the wall and slide down to sit, and I just stare at the wall.

About 10 minutes later I hear a car pull up outside, but my gaze doesn't move from the wall. The doorbell rings and Kyla answers it and Spencer walks in and hugs her. Kyla points in my direction and Spencer walks in. Her facial expression changes dramatically when she sees the room.

"Ash what happened?"

I look up at her and say nothing. How can I? I killed my mother.


	8. Chapter 8

So Ashley's mom died. I couldn't even believe it. I got a call from Kyla and now I'm on my way over to Ashley's. I ring the doorbell and Kyla answers. I give her a hug to let her know I'm there and that I support her. She points in Ashley's direction. She's sitting against the wall and staring at the wall opposite if her. I walk in and am surprised. The room is totally trashed. There's broken glass everywhere and some liquid on the wall. I look at the ground and there are broken vases and a vodka bottle on the ground. Then I look at Ashley. She's not crying……she just has a blank expression on her face.

"Ash what happened?" She looks up at me but says nothing. This I going to be harder than I thought.

I walk over to her and sit in front of her. She doesn't look at me, but just continues looking at the wall. I reach out and touch her face but she doesn't even flinch. What's happening to her?

"Ash please talk to me. Baby what is it? What's wrong with your hand?" She looks down at her hand. I guess she didn't realize that it was dark purple. I think it's broken. She sighed. I guess she was about to talk.

"Spencer…..what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Why did you do this?"

"Can we go talk in my room?"

"Yeah sure." I take her uninjured hand and help her up. We go up to her room and lay down. She stays a good foot away from me. Why is she acting this way?

"So what happened?"

"I uh……I don't know. I just lost it like something in me snapped. When the doctor said Mom died last night I just…..I don't even know. I didn't react. I didn't cry. And I should have but…..I still haven't. I went downstairs and drank and then I started throwing things….."

"And your hand?"

"I punched the wall."

I took her hand trying not to hurt her but she winced. "I think it's broken, Ash."

She sighed. "So the hospital?"

"Yeah let's go."

We drove to the hospital and I went to check in while Ashley sat down. I went over to her and took her uninjured hand and interlocked our fingers.

"Hey…..everything's going to be okay."

"I hope so."

About an hour later they called us back. I was right……Ashley's hand was broken. They put it in a cast and told her to come back in a week. We drove back to her house and went up to her room. She still sat a foot away from me on her bed. I tried to pull her close to me but she just pushed me away.

"Ash what is it? Why won't you come closer? Are you mad?"

"No Spencer! I'm really hurt right now can't you see that!?"

"I can but why are you pushing me away! I'm just trying to help you!"

"Just go Spencer! I don't want to talk to you right now!"

"Ashley can't we-" She cut me off.

"Just go!" And so I left.

I went home and didn't know what to do. After one day Ashley and I already have a fight. Wow that's sad. This is our first fight. Even when we were just friends we only had small fights but never screaming at each other like just now. I get that she needs her space but I was just trying to help. I hope she realizes that soon.


	9. Chapter 9

What did I do? I pushed away the only person I want to see right now. I don't even know why I did it……okay that's a lie, I do. I was so hurt and angry that I wasn't even thinking. I assume she's tried calling but my cell is off and we don't have a home phone. I'm just so glad we are on spring break. I haven't talked to Spencer in 3 days.

"Kyla?" I say knocking on her door.

"Come in"

"Hey…..how are you?"

"I've been……better." She says hesitantly.

"I know……but it will get better eventually…..I promise"

"Promise? Remember the last time you made me a promise Ashley?!" I was taken back by this. Kyla is usually calm and bubbly…..but now she's……..different.

"Kyla……I"

"You what Ashley? You what? You fucking promised Mom would be okay and look how that turned out!"

"Look Kyla I'm sorry okay!"

"No you're not! You never liked Mom! I bet you're glad she's dead." She spat out

"Glad? Whatever Kyla! Mom treated me like shit!"

"I know you two didn't exactly get along……"

"Hell yeah we didn't get along. Kyla she never…..she was never around, never was there for me to cry to, she never even told me she loved me…….and she wasn't there when Dad died…….she wasn't…………a mother."

"If she treated you so badly then why do you care?"

"Because even though she did…….I still loved her."

"You did? Then why don't you show it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You haven't cried Ashley! You've known your mom a lot longer than I have and I cried! So why won't you?"

"I-I can't."

"And why the hell not?!"

"Because if I cry I'm weak!"

"Ash….." She came over to me and wrapped me in a hug. "Crying does not make you weak. You need to let go. You need to finally get rid of all the anger and hurt."

"But what-"

"No buts" she says cutting me off.

"So what do I do?" I say walking over to the door.

"Cry." And then she brushes past me and walks out of the house to drive somewhere.

So I did. I cried. At first it was silent tears, but then it became nearly uncontrollable sobs. I cried for probably 3 hours……and I finally let go.

DING DONG.

I walked downstairs to answer the door expecting to have to yell at some girl scout about how I don't want her 'All Abouts' or whatever the hell those weird cookies are called. So you can imagine my surprise when I open the door to find Spencer standing there.

"Spencer…..h-hi."

"Hey." There was an awkward silence.

"Oh um sorry, do you want to come in?"

"Yeah sure." She came in and we went up to my room.

"So…..what's up?"

"Ash…..you know what's up." I sighed. I definitely knew what was up.

"I know….and I'm so sorry Spence."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Why did you push me away? Why Ash? I wanted to help you."

"I know you did and I shouldn't have pushed you away but…..it hurt too much to let you in."

"Does it hurt know?" I looked her in the eyes.

"Not so much." I reached out and traced her jaw line with my finger. I leaned in and kissed her passionately. She tangled her hands in my hair and pulled me closer. I smiled into the kiss. She pulled away and took my hand and pulled me down on top of her. We continued kissing softly and then sweetly.

I pulled my shirt over my head and she did the same. She reached down and unbuttoned my jeans. I unclipped my bra so that I was only in my panties. She took o her bra while I took of her jeans. Then she slid her fingers into the waistband of my panties. I did the same.

We both knew what was happening, but no one withdrew. No one said no. No one was rough. She was different than the other girls. With the other girls it was rough and not loving. But with her……………..she made it gentle, soft, and loving. It was that moment between knowing what you want and feeling safe enough to go there.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N-Sorry about the lack of posts guys. And the lack of Author notes….and everything else I'm lacking. Anyway Read and Review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Song is Thunder by Boys Like Girls

I wake up the next morning to find my face buried in brown hair. I slowly sat up smiling. My smile faded as soon as I saw our current condition. We. Were. Naked.

"Ash. Ash." I whispered shaking her. "Wake up." I got a grunt in response. Figures. "Alright if you don't get up you don't get any Lucky Charms." Her head shot up. That worked well.

"Okay, okay I'm up." She turned to look at me and her eyes went wide and she smiled.

"What?"

"You're naked." Shit I forgot! I quickly grabbed the blanket and covered myself with it while she smirked to herself.

"Ash…..about that. We need to talk."

"Umm ok."

"We've been going out for what, 3 days? And we already had sex! I think this might be moving a little too fast."

"What are you saying?"

I sighed. What am I saying? I want to be with her but, I think we are moving way too fast. I knew I had a decision to make.

"I think we became intimate way too fast."

"Still not getting the point here Spencer."

"The point is I can't be with you if we're going to have sex right now! Last night was a mistake and I just don't think I'm ready to give myself to you like that right now."

"Spencer…." She said sitting down and taking my hand. "If you're not ready I can wait. I can wait as long as you want."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Of course I would." I smiled. Maybe this would work out after all.

We only had two days left of break and I've spent the entire time with Spencer. So of course her parents wanted family time. So while Spencer was with her parents I had to find some way of entertaining myself. I decided to call Aiden.

"Hello?"

"Hey Aiden, what's up?"

"Nothing just hanging out with Kyla. Want to come over?"

"Not really…..I'll just talk to you later."

"Okay. See ya later Ash."

Well that sucked. Now what? Guitar Hero!!!!

So after about an hour of kicking ass on Guitar Hero I got kind of bored. Again. Today has kind of sucked. No Spencer, Kyla, or Aiden…..and there's no way in hell I would ever hang out with Madison. I guess I'll go write a song.

I sat on my bed for 2 hours with my guitar in my lap trying to think. Finally I just gave up and turned on the radio. Cartel's Say Anything (Else) Came on and soon I fell asleep.

3 Months Later

Spencer and I have been together for nearly 3 months and tonight is our anniversary. And…..I'm going to finally tell her I love her. Things have been……weird. Everyone at school knows about us and so do her brothers. But she still won't come out to her parents. It was hard for me to come out too. Actually I didn't exactly tell my mom. She caught me in the act but my dad took it just fine. He didn't treat me any differently. My mom still resents me for it though. I miss my dad.

"Hey Spence" I say walking up to her and taking her hand, interlocking her fingers with mine.

"Hey. So what are we doing tonight?"

"Tonight? What's tonight?" I know what tonight is but I just want to mess with her a bit.

"Ashley! How could you forget!"

"I'm just joking Spence I know tonight is our 3 month anniversary."

"You better" she said with a playful smile kissing me softly.

"Come on. Let's get to class" I say pulling her along.

I'm at home…..and I'm so bored. I guess I could just get ready for Spencer tonight. I even wrote her a song. It took me a week but I finally got it. I'm going to play it for her tonight and see what she says.

I went to her house to pick her up and wow. She looked beautiful.

"Spencer…..you look amazingly beautiful."

"So do you Ash. We've got about 4 hours until my parents get home so let's go."

We've been driving in silence for about ten minutes when I hear her speak up.

"Ash where are we even going?"

"You'll see."

You and your surprises." Finally we got to our destination. I sound like a freakin GPS system. Anyway….we're at the beach.

"The beach?"

"Yep" I say leading her over to where are spot is set up.

"Ash…..you did all this."

"Eh, I had a little help."

"From who?"

"Aiden. Kyla, and Clay…..oh and did I mention Clay is the cool brother?"

"Ha no but it's true. Hey what's the guitar for?"

"What? Oh yeah! Here, sit down. I uh, I wrote something for you."

"You did?"

"Yeah……I did. Ok here goes.

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

Whoa

Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why

I tried

I tried to read between the lines

I tried to look in your eyes

I want a simple explanation

For what I'm feeling inside

I gotta find a way out

Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road

Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know

Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)

Today I'm on my own

I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone

I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass

And longing for the breeze

I need to step outside

Just to see if I can breathe

I gotta find a way out

Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope

I'm wrapped up in vines

I think we'll make it out

But you just gotta give me time

Strike me down with lightning

Let me feel you in my veins

I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

Whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder, and I said

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors

I don't wanna ever love another

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

And bring on the thunder, and I said

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Do you know you're unlike any other?

You'll always be my thunder

So bring on the rain

Oh baby bring on the pain

And listen to the thunder

"Ash that was great." She says looking me in the eye.

"Thanks. I um, kind of wanted to tell you something."

"What?"

"Well we've been going out for 3 months now and every time I'm with you it's……amazing. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I love you Spence."

A/N- Hey guys I know the song doesn't exactly make sense but I wanted to go with Speechless by the Veronicas but I didn't want to copy this other fanfic I read so I just went with this.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N- To answer some of your questions: Yes Ashley's mom is dead. I had some sort of brainfart and forgot about it but her mom is dead.

"You…you love me?"

"Yeah…I do Spence. So much."

"Ash….I….I love you too." I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life. When she said those words I thought I was going to die of a heart attack. I leaned in and kissed her soft and slow. Kind of like in those romantic movies except we're lesbians and totally hotter. She broke the kiss and I put my hands on her face and stroked her cheeks.

"So….you want to eat?"

"Eat?"

"Yeah I've got a ton of food here." I say pointing at the basket sitting on a blanket surrounded by candles.

"Good because I'm so hungry!" she says running over to sit on the blanket.

We ate for a little while and then just lied down and watched the stars. I was on my back and she was cuddled up to my side with her head on my chest.

"Hey Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Just a question…..what exactly is it you love about me?"

"You want me to list all of them?"

"Only if you want…."

"Eventually I'll tell you…..but not now."

"Okay works for me." We shared a laugh. We sat out there for another hour and then I had to take Spencer home. I kissed her goodnight and drove home. Today was the best day of my life.

5 days later

I've been working on a surprise for Spencer for her birthday. It's going to be a gift, but not the only gift I give her. Her birthday is today and she's coming over in about an hour to be with me. Just me. That makes me smile thinking she would spend a few hours of her birthday with just me. Anyway, I got her a friendship ring. Not the kind you give to your best friend but the kind you give to someone you love to show them you're committed to them. I have a matching one. The thing I made for her is 100 reasons why I love her. I know, it's corny but I thought she might like it.

About an hour later Spencer came over and I lead her up to my room.

"Happy birthday Spencer"

"Thanks Ash" She cups my face can pulls me in for a soft kiss. Every time she does that I get butterflies in my stomach.

"So I got you something."

"What is it?"

"Well I actually got you two things. 1st I got you this" I say handing her a small, black velvet box.

"Ash you didn't have to."

"But I wanted to." She opens it and looks at the ring and then up at me.

"Will you put it on me?" I nod and take the box from her and remove the ring. I took her finger and put it on her and then held her hand in mine.

"Do you know what this means?"

"No what?"

"Well it means I'm committed to you. I know I have been for 3 months now but I kind of wanted to….I don't know…show it I guess. I know everyone already knows about it but I just wanted to do this for us. This is the first time I have ever done something like this and you really mean a lot to me Spencer. I even have one." I show her my finger.

"Aw, Ashley. I love you."

"I love you too. And to show you how much I made you a list."

"A list?"

"Yeah remember when you asked what I loved about you?"

"Yeah."

"Well I made you a list of what I love about you. Not everything is there, just 100 but my hand started to hurt from writing it."

"Awesome. Let's hear it."

"Okay…it's um, a little corny but here it is." I picked up a sheet of paper I had written all 100 of them on and started to read.

"1 I love how you always do your best even at your worst moments.

2 I love your smile

3 I love how you always know the right thing to say when I'm down

4 I love how you run your fingers through my hair

5 I love how you interlock your fingers with mine

6 I love your eyes

7 I love when you kiss my forehead

8 I love your touch

9 I love how soft your kin is

I love your craziness

How cute you are

How daring you are

How you hold me when I cry

How you cuddle into me during scary movies

How you always know what you want

How you can play around and still have serious moments

How warm you are

How you hold my hand when you drive

How you refuse to ever grow up

How smart you are

You always make me laugh

The fact that you can retaliate on my sarcastic comments

How you always know what I'm thinking

How you trust me

How you never give up on me

How cute you look when you're mad

How you don't get frustrated with me

How you always have to touch me

I love how soft your stomach is

I love your nose

How cute you are

Your innocence

How you're so good at so much stuff but you're still modest

How you caress my face

How you kiss my eyebrows

The way you look at me

I love when you randomly kiss me

I love your commitment to me

Your charm

How you're never afraid to take a risk……except for roller coasters

How you live in the moment

Your sense of humor

The annoying fact about how you're right 90 of the time

The way you make me feel about myself

Your voice

How gentle you are

I love that you're my better half

I love how you're always honest

How down to earth you are

How you don't get jealous easily

I love how you complete me

You give the word perfect a new meaning

I can be myself when I am with you

You bring out the best in me

Just seeing you lifts my spirits

You have taught me what it is to love and be loved

You have given meaning to my existence.

I love the calm look on your face when you are sleeping.

I love waking up in the morning and finding you by my side

I love that you'll always be there for me no matter what

That your idea of romance involves dim lights, soft music, and just the two of us.

That you always bring a smile to my face

That I feel safe with you

How I can tell you anything

Just thinking of you gives me butterflies

I love your sense of humor

That you listen to me

That you are different than anyone I've ever met

That you are the most amazing person in the word

I love that you're mine

You give me the benefit of the doubt

That you are the sweetest person in the world

That you're always nice to me even when I don't deserve it

I love how you always wait for me

I love how you make me forget all my worries

How your touch calms me down immediately

How soft your hair is

I love the way your heart beats

I love how tight yet gentle your hug is

I love the way you walk

How you look me in the eyes

I love that you always give me a kiss when you leave

That you squeeze my hand 3 times to say 'I love you'

The way you keep your cool when I do something stupid

The way you laugh when I say something stupid

I love the way you treasure the gifts I give you

The way you make small gestures to show you care

I love how after we fight it always seems to work out

I love how you say 'crowns' instead of crayons

That I can trust you

That you love old movies

I love how you can laugh at the simplest things

How you stay strong even when it's hard

How you can go from one emotion to another in 2 seconds flat

That until I met you I didn't know beauty and brains were possible in one person

How when we dance you hold me tight

How you protect me

How you always know what to do

I love you because you're my best friend

I love you because you love me"

"Ash…..oh my gosh. That was amazing!" She runs up to me and kisses me hard. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Spence. Happy birthday"

A/N- Hey guys I know some of the stuff is corny….i got half of it on websites and the other from my brain. Read and Review please!


	12. Chapter 12

So I would say I had a pretty damn good birthday. Ashley gave me a ring to show her commitment and a list of 100 reasons why she loves me. She told me to put it in my room and to look at it whenever I want. I love that girl more than anything. Today we have school, unfortunately. It's some career day thing. I'm so tired of people always trying to get us prepared for our future.

"Ugh I so don't want to do this," Ashley says pulling into the parking lot of our school.

"I know. Neither do I, but at least we only have this thing one time."

"Yeah but why couldn't they do it during our freshman year or something? Not our senior one…"

"Let's just get this over with and then we can go do something else,"

"I can think of something I want to do," Ashley says wiggling her eyebrows

"Perv," I say walking past her. I can hear her laughing behind me and I crack a smile. She may be a horn dog, but she's my horn dog.

"Hey Spencer!" I turn around to see Chelsea walking up to me.

"Hey Chelse what's going on?"

"Nothing really I'm just so excited for this career fair! There's an artist who I'm going to go talk to."

"You really like art don't you?"

"Yeah I love it. I could see me doing it for the rest of my life. What about you Spencer?"

"I don't really know. I've never actually wanted to be anything. It seems like everyone else knows what they want to do with their life except for me"

"Well what does Ashley want to do?"

"Honestly, I don't know. We've never talked about it before."

"Not to rush you or anything Spencer…..but have you applied to college yet?"

"Yeah I have but I don't get my acceptance letters for another two days."

"Well where did you apply?"

"Um, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Boston College, and Stanford."

"Wow Spence those are really good schools. And only one of them is in California."

"I know, but who knows what will happen by graduation."

"Graduation is in 1 month Spencer."

"I know."

"Where has Ashley applied?"

"I'm not sure. I'll ask her later. See you later Chelsea. Have fun talking to the artist."

"Bye girl"

I walked over to Ashley who was talking to Aiden.

"Hey guys"

"Hey Spencer. So who are you going to be talking to at the fair?" Aiden asked

"Not sure yet. What about you?"

"Well I'm going to be talking to the coach of the Spurs. I'm really excited."

"That's awesome! What about you Ash?"

"I don't know. I was thinking about maybe that doctor over there" she says pointing to a girl in a lab coat.

"You want to be a doctor?" She shrugged

"Hey guys I'm going to go talk to that guy now so I'll see you later" Aiden said walking away

"Hey Ashley what colleges did you apply to?"

"Well only about 3. But I applied to UNC, USC, and Stanford."

"You applied to Stanford?"

"Yeah. I know I may not seem that smart but I have a 4.0 GPA."

"You do? Wow I had no idea!"

"Yeah a lot of people wouldn't think I'm very smart" she says laughing

"I do" I say getting closer to her

"I'm glad someone does" she says quietly. She leans in to kiss me softly.

"Hey get a room!" We pull back laughing as we hear Kyla yell to us from a few yards away.

"Hey Ky" Ashley says. Kyla walks up to us.

"Hey girls. They have a stage actress here isn't that awesome!"

"Yeah it's great Kyla. Have you talked to her yet?"

"No not yet. But, what about you Spence? Who are you going to talk to?" Okay what is with everyone asking me that?

"I'm not sure yet. But I think I'm going to go look in a few minutes."

"Okay have fun" and with that Kyla walks off.

"Spencer" I turn my attention to Ashley. "Baby what's wrong?" She asks stroking my cheek. I sigh.

"Everyone knows who they want to talk to and what they want to do except for me. Ashley what if I have no future?"

"Hey don't say that." She pulls me in and holds me close to her. "You do have a future Spence. You just haven't found it yet."

"I hope you're right"

"Don't worry about it. Let's go talk to some people."

"No you go ahead. I'll meet up with you later."

"Alright." She kisses my cheek and walks off.

I walk over to the circle of tables and just look around. There's all kinds of people here. There's doctors, engineers, actors, sports stars, and so many others. I walker over to a table that said "The few. The strong. The proud." I guess it's for the army.

"Hi I'm Sergeant Duvall." He said saluting me.

"I'm Spencer."

"So Spencer, you're interested in joining the army?"

"I'm actually not sure what I want to do with my life right now."

"Well if you join the army you can get money for college."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"Spencer!" I turn to see Ashley calling me from across the quad.

"I have to go"

"Well here, take a brochure to look at. There's a number on there you can call if you're really interested in doing this."

"Thank you" I say walking over to Ashley. I slipped the brochure in my pocket. I couldn't let Ashley know I was actually considering joining the army.

"Hey Ash," I say walking over to her

"Hey who did you talk to?"

"Oh you know….just random people."

"Oh okay. Well I talked to this doctor and it sounds like she has a really cool job. I'm actually kind of interested in it."

"That's great Ash!" I hug her and put a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Ready to go back to my house?" I nod and we leave. When we get back we go up to her room.

"Hey Ash I'm going to take a shower is that okay?"

"Yeah sure." I strip right in front of her just to tease her and sure enough she can't stop staring. I throw my clothes at her and walk into the bathroom.

When I come out fully dressed she's standing there looking really mad.

"What's wrong Ashley?"

"This," she says holding up the brochure.

Uh oh.

A/N-Thanks for pointing out some of the mistakes I made last chapter


	13. Chapter 13

"Look Ashley I can explain-"

"How can you explain this Spencer?! Are you thinking about joining the army?"

"Well…..maybe. I'm not really sure right now."

"Out of all things why the fucking army?!"

"Look I don't know okay! All I did was talk to the guy about it a little and he gave me the brochure! It's not that big of a deal!"

"Yes it is Spencer! Honestly tell me….are you thinking about doing this?"

"……yes."

"Why?"

"What else can I do Ashley? I don't have any talents or anything."

"What are you talking about? You do have talents."

"Like what?"

"Like…..you're really good at science."

"Well what could I possibly do with that?"

"There are a ton of things you could be that involve science. You could be a doctor, and oceanographer, a computer technician. Spencer there's so many things you can do."

"But Ashley I don't want to do any of those things. I don't know what I want to do. This could be good for me. I could get money for college and maybe by that time I would know what I want."

"Spencer do you realize how hard it is to be in the army?!"

"No but I could do it. Ashley why are you so against this? Is it because you wouldn't see me for awhile? What is it?"

"You could die Spencer!!"

"W-what?"

"Spence…..if you go….you could die. Please don't go. Please. Don't sign up." I went up and hugged her. She really doesn't want me to go.

"Okay……I won't sign up." By now she was crying. I felt so bad for scaring her so much. "Come here baby. Let's lay down."

2 days later

DING DONG

Oh great the doorbell. I get up off my bed and go downstairs to answer the door.

"Hey Ash"

"Oh, hey Spencer. I thought you weren't coming over until later."

"Well I wasn't until I found these in the mail," she says holding up some big envelopes

"What are they?"

"The letters from the colleges telling me if I got in or not," she says walking into my living room. "Have you gotten yours yet?"

"Yeah actually I did but I was waiting until you got yours so we could open them together." I say grabbing my envelopes off of the table.

"Okay so which one should we open first?"

"Okay so you applied to Princeton, Yale, Harvard, Stanford, and Boston College?"

"Yeah and you applied to USC, UNC, and Stanford?"

"Yep. So I'll open USC and you open Yale okay?"

"Alright." I open my leader and read the first line. My eyes got huge.

"I got in!"

"Me too! Ahhh!" We hugged really tight and then I kissed her hard.

"I'm so proud of you Spencer."

"Me too Ash."

We continued opening our letters. I also got into UNC and Spencer got into Princeton, Harvard, and Boston College.

"Okay so now let's open the Stanford letters."

"Stanford is the one I want most."

"Me too. Hey if we both get in we'll be going to college together!"

"Yeah let's just hope we both get in. On 3 okay? 1,2,3." I opened it and read the first line. The biggest smile in the world crossed me face. I guess Spencer got in too because she's doing some sort of victory dance on the couch.

"I got in! I got in! Did you?"

"Yeah I did! We're going to college together!"

I pulled her down to the ground and wrapped her in a hug. This is one of the happiest moments of my life.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N- Thanks for the reviews guys. And thanks for the constructive criticism. I'm not that great of a writer and my vocabulary is pretty small. So please keep giving me constructive criticism because it helps me learn how to write better.**

"We're going to Stanford! We're going to Stanford!" I chant skipping around my kitchen. I can't believe me and Ashley both go in!

"Spencer what are you doing?" My mom says walking into the kitchen.

"Uh…..I got my college acceptance letters."

"You did?! Well did you open them?"

"Yeah and I got into all of them,"

"YES!" My mom screams out. She's more excited for this than I am.

"Yeah I know!"

"So we need to talk about which one you are going to. Tuition won't be a problem."

"Actually I've already decided where I'm going to go,"

"Spencer we have to agree to it,"

"Mom it's a good school,"

"Which one do you want to go to?"

"Stanford,"

"Well……I guess that's okay. I just have to talk to your father before anything is definite,"

"Okay," I say knowing my dad will definitely let me go to that school. He really wants to get rid of me so now he has a reason. I turn on the TV with a smile on my face.

_Go on and lose it, go on and lose it all. Go on and lose it go go go. Go on and lose it go on an-_

"Hello?" I say sleepily.

"Hey it's Ashley,"

"Ashley it's…." I turn to look at the clock. "Freakin 3 in the morning!" I yell but then quiet down remembering my parents are asleep.

"Sorry…..I just wanted to hear your voice," Say it with me…..awwwww.

"Aww! I love you!,"

"I love you too,"

"There you heard my voice now go away," I say playfully

"Spencerrrrrrrr,"

"What do you want me to do? We have school tomorrow. I've got to sleep."

"Okay…..can I take you to lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure thing,"

"Alrighty I'll see you tomorrow…..or today, whatever I love you."

"Love you too Ash," I smiled as I hung up. I love being in love!

There's a lot of drama in high school. It seems like everyday there is something new. I have this weird feeling something is going down today. Something bad. I walk into my first period class that I have with Ashley. She sits next me in that class so it's my favorite.

"Okay class today we will be doing polynomials," Ms. Jackson says to us

"Ugh I hate those," I whisper to Ashley.

"Me too,"

I look around the room and notice some kid fidgeting. It's sort of weird. He keeps looking around suspiciously and has his hand inside his jacket. I wonder if he has something in there….

"Spencer pay attention," Ms. Jackson's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

Class was about halfway over when fidget kid raises his hand.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

"Sure but take a pass,"

He gets up and walks over to take the pass from the teacher. He starts walking toward my desk which is on the way to the door. He glares at me and I wonder what's up with that? He stops at my desk.

"Get up," he says coldly

"What?"

"Get up!" What's up with this kid?

"What? Why?" he reaches into his jacket and pulls something out. It looks like…….a gun. Oh shit.

"Get. Up. Now," He says pointing the gun at me. By now the entire class is looking at us.

I slowly stand up and look forward. I can see the inside of the barrel of the gun. This can not be happening.

"Stay right there," He says walking over to the door. He picks up a chair and wedges it under the door. Across the room the teacher picks up the phone. Fidget kid turns to her and points the gun.

"Drop it or I blow your fucking head off!" She immediately drops the phone. "Alright…." He says walking over to me. "Guess what? You get to be my first victim," Is this like a bad dream or something?

I stay silent as he pushes me to the front of the room. No one dares to make a sound.

"And you all get to watch," He puts the gun to my head.

"No!" I turn to see Ashley standing up.

"Shut up and sit down!"

"No, wait. Whatever you want I'll do it. Just don't hurt her,"

Fidget kid smirks. What is she doing? He could do anything to her!

"Anything?" She nods. "Okay," He says handing her the gun. He pulls a knife out of his jacket. "You shoot her,"

"W-what?"


	15. Chapter 15

"You heard me. Shoot her."

"What? No! Are you fucking crazy!?"

"Shut up and do it!"

He grabbed be from behind and held the knife at my throat. My breathing became rapid.

"Do it…..or you die."

"No…..I-I can't."

"Do you want to die!?"

"No! I'm not going to shoot her!"

"Put the gun on her head," I wouldn't do it. No way. "Do it!" I slowly lifted my hand and put the gun to her head. "Now shoot,"

"No,"

"Fine," He said laughing maniacally. It was really creepy. "You must really love this girl. You're giving your life for her,"

Suddenly the doors bust open. Fidget kid jumped causing him to slice my throat.

"Freeze! Los Angeles Police! Put your hands up!"

I could feel him lift his hands off of me and I fell to the ground. Everything went blurry for a second and then went completely black.

I looked around the room in shock. After the police came in they took away Fidget kid. I still haven't figured out his real name. When they came in he jumped and the knife on Ashley's throat slipped. My breath caught in my throat when that happened. She fell to the ground and closed her eyes. I rushed to her side while the police cuffed Fidget kid. She had blood coming out of the cut. I put my hand over it to try to stop it but I took it away because I was worried it would choke her. I looked at my hand and noticed how much blood there actually was.

"There she is!" I look over at the classroom entrance and see 3 people rushing over to us with a stretcher. They load Ashley on and then take her away. I'm left standing there speechless.

The teacher had us all call our parents to go home or just drive home ourselves. I went outside and got in my car. I pulled out my cell phone and called my mom.

"Hello?"

"Mom? Something happened,"

"I know I saw it on the news! I've called your phone 5 times. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I am but Ashley isn't,"

"Is she okay? What's wrong with her?" for someone who isn't nice to Ashley she sure cares a lot about her.

"I don't think so. Did you hear about everything?"

"All I heard was that there was a kid with a gun,"

"Well that's not all. I'll explain later but right now I have to get to the hospital."

"Okay I'll see you there."

I hung up and drove to the hospital. People honked at me and screamed cuss words out of their windows. I guess when you're scared you tend to drive a little recklessly. I parked and ran inside. I went up to the receptionist to find out about Ashley.

"Hi is Ashley Davies here?"

"She was just brought in. Who are you?"

"I'm Spencer Carlin, her girlfriend."

"I'm really sorry but we're not aloud to let anyone that's not family see the patients,"

"She's with me," I turn around and find my mother walking toward me.

"Oh, yes Dr. Carlin."

"Come on Spencer," She led me to a private room and sat down.

"Is she okay?"

"She's in surgery right now but Spencer you've got to know…….she lost a lot of blood. The cut wasn't really deep but it was deep enough to……"

"To what?"

"To kill her,"

My heart stopped.


End file.
